Stephen Joseph

2008-07-01T12:04:00.000-07:00

goodbye.

11.17.07 ...you're a horrible person if you don't think...

2007-11-17T11:42:00.000-08:00

11.17.07 ...bear seeking embers...

2007-11-17T11:18:00.001-08:00

11.17.07 ...i was bound to fall in...

2007-11-17T10:43:00.000-08:00

10.11.07 ...coffee cup show...

2007-11-17T10:25:00.001-08:00

10.8.07 ...we all stayed for the credits...

2007-11-17T10:08:00.001-08:00

10.5.07 ...we all cried at the ending...

2007-11-17T09:41:00.001-08:00

10.5.07 ...the moon is down... (judd's pics)

2007-11-17T09:35:00.000-08:00

9.17.07 ...i'm staying in tonight...(trey's pics)

2007-11-17T09:26:00.001-08:00

9.17.07 ...if I left the zoo...

2007-11-17T08:49:00.000-08:00

9.16.07 ...into the great unknown...

2007-09-16T14:38:00.000-07:00

9.14.07 Camera Phone Shots....

2007-09-14T06:40:00.000-07:00

Here we have duck attacks, the lake in the morning, judd at the graveyard, trey peeing, and tiger baby...

7.12.07 Trey, Dustin, and the Bubble Lense...

2007-09-12T05:03:00.000-07:00

9.12.07 Trey likes my camera, I like my camera...

2007-09-12T04:29:00.000-07:00

9.12.07 texas...

2007-09-12T04:14:00.001-07:00

9.12.07 blogger is mean...

2007-09-12T04:00:00.000-07:00

9.11.07 zzzzzzz

2007-09-11T21:11:00.001-07:00

9.11.07 spare me from the anchor...

2007-09-11T20:59:00.000-07:00

9.11.07 Ellis came home...

2007-09-11T20:49:00.000-07:00

9.11.07 august 18th

2007-09-11T20:41:00.000-07:00

8.9.07 ...lights...

2007-08-09T17:25:00.001-07:00

8.9.07 ...barricade...

2007-08-09T16:49:00.000-07:00

8.9.07... kingdom...

2007-08-09T16:32:00.001-07:00

8.9.07 ...cut your losses...

2007-08-09T16:15:00.000-07:00

8.9.07 ... to these hands with revolver...

2007-08-09T15:58:00.000-07:00

7.18.07 ...i am a prisoner in the sunlight...

2007-07-18T18:38:00.001-07:00

7.18.07 Show...

2007-07-18T18:19:00.000-07:00

6.6.07 this country will know us by name...

2007-06-06T21:28:00.000-07:00

6.6.07 Steeples

2007-06-06T21:22:00.000-07:00

6.6.07 Bear Seeking Bear

2007-06-06T21:02:00.001-07:00

6.6.07 Dick Chesney

2007-06-06T20:44:00.000-07:00

5.29.07 ...forget him not still he loves you...

2007-05-29T16:57:00.000-07:00

5.29.07 ... anne I've seen the ghost of david, in the house of his childhood...

2007-05-29T16:04:00.001-07:00

5.29.07 this is like one of those awesome dreams where you get to hang out with the guys from fugazi...

2007-05-29T15:41:00.000-07:00

5-19-07 Questions in Dialect played on Tuesday...

2007-05-19T15:53:00.000-07:00

you must...

2007-05-14T07:55:00.000-07:00

5-8-07 testing, testing 1, 2, 3...

2007-05-08T19:57:00.000-07:00

5.4.07 way over yonder in the minor key...

2007-05-04T18:23:00.000-07:00

4.29.07 the kids are on fire in the bedroom...

2007-04-30T19:33:00.000-07:00

4.16.07 It was hot, we stayed in the water..

2007-04-16T20:26:00.000-07:00

4.11.07 sending pictures to the moon...

2007-04-11T17:49:00.000-07:00

It's good to have family... It helps you understand more about yourself...

4.10.07 slow century

2007-04-10T14:17:00.000-07:00

more pics coming soon...

4.1.07 even breathing feels alright

2007-04-01T13:21:00.000-07:00

3.31.07 We are the sons of no one...

2007-03-31T23:10:00.000-07:00

3.29.07 driving in your car, I never never want to go home...

2007-03-29T19:49:00.000-07:00

3.25.07 I'll get money, I'll get funny again

2007-03-25T13:32:00.000-07:00

3.23.07 the one pic sums up the whole day

2007-03-23T22:41:00.000-07:00

walk away now, and you're gonna start a war...

pics 3.22.07 a fond farewell to a friend...

2007-03-22T19:08:00.000-07:00

pics 3.20.07 I'd say that's better 'cause at least I know you tried...

2007-03-20T17:30:00.000-07:00

3.17.07 in depths of trolley wood

2007-03-17T20:03:00.000-07:00

pics 3.16.07

2007-03-16T21:10:00.000-07:00

2007-02-21T13:58:00.000-08:00

I started a new music blog...

2007-02-12T13:00:00.001-08:00

http://www.thecitygetslonely.blogspot.com

how?

2007-01-12T19:53:00.000-08:00

do you ever have so much feeling, but no way to express it how you want to?

I have been through so much loss and gain in the past year... emotionally, mentally, physically, and spiritually...

I have faced things I would never thought I to face. I have seen both defeat and victory in the eyes and hearts of the ones I love the most. So much potential, so much possibility, so much pain.

I think about these things and how tragically and beautifully they all cross each other, and I wonder about who I am as a person.

Can I just say this once and get it out there? Just once that it is okay to not know. It is okay, and we can move on, and live, and be. We don't know, we don't. We try so hard in life trying to know, and some of us find out what that is, and some of us journey for it and are tormented by it, or constantly in awe of what it is, and trying to obtain it.

We hurt, we laugh, we cry, we are, and we don't know. Screwed up or monumentally great as it sounds. We are always alone, we are never alone. We are searching, and continue... we have to...

2007-01-05T23:38:00.000-08:00

Logan Whitehurst
Just a few minutes ago, I found out that Logan Whitehurst had passed away about a month ago in his sleep.

Although I never knew the man personally, I saw a band he was playing in a few years back, The Velvet Teen, play a show in Seattle, and I was amazed at his skill as a drummer and that he could sing and play drums. I had a great night that night for many reasons, and that is how I will always associate him.

He later had to leave his favorite band (the velet teen) for what I heard was something to the effect of a severe brain problem, and he kept on making music as "Logan Whitehurst and The Junior Science Club", and I was even more amazed at the man's creativity and love for music beyond his own health problems.

Finding this out really saddens me, because if a person who was part of a great day in my life that I barely know passed and it troubles even me, I can't imagine the pain his friends and family are going through.

2006-12-17T19:59:00.000-08:00

2006-12-15T07:35:00.000-08:00

The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly- 2006 A lot of music came out this year, and some of it happened to be good. Beyond that, some of if was actually even great! Here is my list of what I loved, what I liked, and what I hated about music this year.The Great-1. Casey Dienel- Wind Up Canary (Hush Records) Oh my how do I love this album. Casey Dienel's voice and piano playing blend together in ways reminiscent of the 1920's and 1930's, but also very soothing and fun. I hear some Mirah and some Jolie Holland, and I don't know if those influences are intentional, but it sounds great. I wish her cover of Pavement's "Cut Your Hair" was on here, but even then, I have listened to this album more than any other album this year. People might be thrown off by the pianos carrying this album, but when it comes down to it, this is great music on a great album that comes together in ways entertaining, personal, and perfect for any time of the day.2. Damien Jurado- And Now That I'm In Your Shadow (Secretly Canadian) Damien doesn't make bad records, ever. This album seems like it should have come after Where Shall You Take Me more so than the follow up to On My Way to Absence. The fact that Damien Jurado is now a band and not a solo act comes more into play. Eric Fisher has been with Damien for his past few albums playing various instruments, but now adding Jenna Conrad for vocals and Cello just deepens his sound. "What Were The Chances", is heart wrenching evidence of this. The tale of a man involved with a woman in such a hopeless situation, that the story makes you feel for his unrequited love. I could go on and on about this album, which does feature "Montesano", which is such a peaceful feeling to listen to. This album is certainly my second favorite album of Damien's right after Ghost of David, and that is saying a lot.3. Alexi Murdoch- Time Without Consequence (Zero Summer) If you have seen that Honda commercial and heard that sounds that sounds eerily like Nick Drake and haven't wondered who that is or what that song is called, you should be ashamed of yourself. The song is called "Orange Sky", and that is Alexi Murdoch. Some people would compare him to Damien Rice, but that is really doing a disservice to the amazing talent that Alexi has. His voice is so deep and soulful, and you can't not feel better after listening to this heartwarming collection of songs. If you had to compare him to anyone, most people would say Nick Drake, but if Nick Drake's first album was as good as Alexi's full-length debut, you'd know that there are great things to come. 4. Laura Gibson- If You Come To Greet Me (Hush Records) Wow, I am happy to have discovered Laura Gibson's music this year! No offensive when I say this but, this is the album that Jolie Holland should have made this year. Laura Gibson has really surpassed her Amends EP with a collection of songs that puts you right at ease and takes you to places that make you feel warm even in the cold places. So calming and yet so refreshing; it's not soda, but maybe even a bit better.5. Converge- No Heroes (Epitaph) Holy crap! Not that You Fail Me was horrible by any means, but this album even kicks Jane Doe right in the butt! Funny how almost all of my favorites this year are soft, and then comes Converge with No Heroes, one of the most dirtiest sounding, roughest albums to come out this year. Sometimes a band is good enough to just pull that out of you, and Converge always does with their intensity and storytelling. It doesn't matter if the song is under two minutes or almost ten minutes, from start to finish, this album kills me, and I am thankful for it.The Good-1. Jeremy Enigk- World Waits (Lewis Hollow) This album should have been in "the great" section, but I haven't been in the right mood to fully fully take all of this album in. Enigk has a way of creating soft epics that really take you to other places. His last solo album was more in the vein of Strawberry Fields than Sunny Day Real Estate. And if The Fire Theft album felt like a continuation of Sunny Day's The Rising Tide, this album seems to be the natural progression. The Fire Theft album, while amazing, was a little too epic in parts, whereas World Waits seems to be grand and still touches you in a personal way that the aforementioned could not. The only real downside with this album is having to wait 10 years for it to come out. Don't make us wait that long for the third one.2. Thom Yorke- The Eraser (XL) If you don't like Radiohead, get over it and get this album. If you do like Radiohead, and you loved Kid A, you are going to go ape-poo over this album. Thom Yorke builds compositions out of the obscure and the electronic and puts you into places that are intangible but somehow seem attainable to say the least. I could come up with more ways to say how good of an album this actually is, but you should be listening to it by now.3. The Blow- Paper Television (K) The Blow started out pretty folky, and with every album, they tend to get more electronic. This album is no exception. It gets cheesy enough to be still be cute without being corny, and I love it. I know this band is not for everyone, but for those who get it, you are lucky to have bands like this. "True Affection", is such a good song. This is the kind of album that can be honest without being cool, and that's okay. I like that.4. Rocky Votolato- Makers (Barsuk) Rocky, Rocky, Rocky… you and you amazing voice and great songwriting. This album takes more of a nod to Burning My Travels Clean, than it does to Suicide Medicines, and it shows. Personal storytelling that puts images in your head like a memory from a good time in your life. I hope he keeps going in this direction. Buy this album.The Crap- 1. Wolfmother- s/t (Modular/Interscope) Are you ripping off Zepplin or Sabbath? Or is it that you want to be a third rate TV On The Radio? Please do me a favor and don't try to rock me because it's not working. I think I would have been a lot happier if these guys decided to stay in and write some emo junk.2. Red Jumpsuit Apparatus- Don't You Fake It (Virgin) Even though I consider Wolfmother crap, Wolfmother are rock gods compared to this band. The term "dime a dozen" frequently applies here. The sandwich is set up like this: Crap-Cliché-Crap. Even more ironic is that album's title, because it fits every stereotype of this dying musical genre. In five years, Emo Pop will be regarded as the Hair Metal of it's day and these guys will go down at The Winger of their generation for producing such soulless, bland, void "music". But hey, at least major label help with make them rich enough to be happy coming to terms with it.3. Fergie- The Dutchess (Who Cares) Mindless drones of music that means absolutely nothing. I would rather have Kriss-Kross come back on the MC Hammer/Vanilla Ice 2007 State Fair Tour that listen to this crap. This kid's incorporated star later joined the then soulful, though-provoking Black Eyed Peas who were about promoting consciousness and turned it into "Don't Funk With My Heart", and "My Humps", and made them rich, which you know… money is nice. But "My Humps"?!!! Seriously, what crap is that!? And then a solo album comes out from someone who, seriously, she looks like she used to be a dude. It could be worse though, she could have made those solo records Gwen Stefani put out. Stuff I am looking forward to in 2007- Mirah- put out a new album!The Smashing Pumpkis- TBA, Jimmy and Billy and whoever, it's gonna be good. Guns N' Roses- Chinese Democracy=LOLOLOLOLDamien Jurado's next few albums. Ok, so those are mine, what are yours?

2006-12-12T07:53:00.000-08:00

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jarvis_Island

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alert%2C_Nunavut

I'll get the Hawaii blog out soon..., but in the meantime, I have other stuff to talk about.

Since I have gotten back, I have not adjusted back to local time, and the have gotten no rest whatsoever. Last night, I was driving home, and on the long drive, I put on some ben folds, and started thinking about all the places I have been this year, and none of it was in vain, I got to see great friends and family and really enjoy my times away for what they were.

On the plane ride home, I sat in the very middle of the plane, in the middle seat of the middle aisle. I sat next to a lady with her crying baby, and next to an older man whose son was a missionary.

Apparently, this man's son lived on an island in the middle of the south pacific that had two stores and one hospital, and was barely inhabited.

The idea of this intrigued me very much.

One of my favorite movies is this cheesy movied called "Joe Vs. The Volcano", and if you like it, I already love you.

There is this scene where tom hanks, being intrigued with Meg Ryan's pespective of living free asks her where she would go if she could just take a boat and leave, and she replied "away, away from the things of man." And this idea sounded much like what that old man was telling me about this island out in the middle of nowhere.

Maybe it's my lack of rest, but I want to go to those seldom seen places, I want to know what life is like... away from the things of man.

2006-11-25T19:49:00.000-08:00

thanksgiving 2006

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2006-11-21T14:04:00.000-08:00

talking crap about myspace and xanga.

2006-11-13T14:15:00.000-08:00

I have a myspace account, and I swear that everytime I get on that dang thing I lose brain cells because it's a fact: "Myspace makes you retarded". Some aspects of it are good, and I love that I can find people on there that I have not seen in years, but the fact remains that it is sophomoric at best. Let's have cliche mirror pictures and girly pic comments to show people what we are into. And the more horrible part of it all is that it is almost a necessary evil. Something about regular blogging seems much more dignifed than to myspace where seeing links for profiles of cool new people that really need to stop taking cliche photos and screwing around with photoshop while their nickelback and panic at the disco profile songs take up web space that could be used for something more important, like a website for midgets who tazer old people. And then there is xanga, which essentially is a pretty okay blog, with a HORRIBLY RETARDED NAME! Xanga!? What the heck is that? Like a retarded anime character? And the worst part is that you have to be a member to respond to people's statements. Don't make me sign up for something that is a lesser myspace. And that is by no means a compliment, calling it the lesser myspace is like comparing a heaving pile of dung to a small pile of dung with less flies around it. I could livejournal I suppose, but I ended up getting one and barely using it. I would much rather use blogspot, but most of my readers are off reading xanga or myspace which really ticks me off that people are wanting to be duped into sites ran by emo kids who couldn't get jobs designing bad t-shirts for hot topics around the world.

2006-11-10T08:09:00.000-08:00

2006-10-26T20:40:00.000-07:00

2006-10-22T16:16:00.000-07:00

Death Cab for Cutie at Berkeley - Transatlanticism

2006-10-19T13:12:00.000-07:00

should I keep updating this? have my blogs fallen victim to myspace? I prefer it not to.

in case you don't already know, please check out the greatest band in the world...

2006-10-17T14:08:00.000-07:00

go to http://www.myspace.com/norwegianemocore

2006-10-09T08:56:00.000-07:00

2006-10-03T11:54:00.000-07:00

ok...
"I have fell victim to you
Troubles I have seen many years
From high windows I have called you
So come save me from this fire

Forget all who hurt you, they don't know you
Come rest your tired body in my arms
From the bedroom I have called you
So come save me from this fire

And I have bad dreams
Done so many bad things
So come save me from this fire"

"Bad Dreams"
-Damien Jurado

Do you ever stop to think that many people come to their crossroads in life and that they just stay there and wonder about what to do? If the crossroads was a physical location, it would be a metropolis of people who stayed because either what they wanted to do- they did or could not, or either because they have no idea what they wanted to do. I really feel for those around me right now, there is so much indecision and uncertainty in the lives of many that I love and care for. When our pillars and our foundations are shaken, we question. Does our faith affect our humanity or does our humanity affect our faith? The reason I ask this is because we get so shaken from the things around us, that it makes me wonder is we put our faith (which doesn't necessarily have to a spiritual one) in things or ideas that are in these cross roads. Foundations and pillars we create will crumble with time. It's a part of life.

So when we come to these crossroads and stay, why? Is it because we have failed and remain content in where we are since others are there? Is it because we are too afraid to leave this place that we know and take the unknown road? Is it because we don't have those pillars to push us through?

What is our release? What then shall take us away from this? This doesn't have to be a permanent one, but something that just makes you feel good enough to know that even though you may not be completely where you want to be, that you will be okay regardless of your dislikes or fears. The release is doing or recieving something that is good enough to release what indecision and uncertainty intend to put on you, but still know that you are there. Not becoming content, but being okay with being aware. Create, strive, dream, and don't ever forget who you are.

-In Almost Famous, Lester Bangs (the legendary rock writer, as portrayed by Phillip Seymour Hoffman) tells William (the protaganist and young aspiring writer) that "The only true currency in this bankrupt world is what you share with someone else when you're uncool", and I think that is very true.

We can't keep it inside, because if you do, it just builds. I wonder about those guys who go nuts that everyone thought to be these normal people. Where they made to be crazy? Did they not see the change?

In many ways, insanity is repeating the same thing over and over again expecting a different result. Is not getting these things outside, by very definition therefore insanity? Do people who just keep it all in justify and expect a change to come because it's deserved? It is a horrible self-destructive cycle, a cycle that I can say that I have been on before in the past. This does no good but to only fuel our implosive nature. We have created this dual nature in ourselves where we all have our own destructive nature, a dichotomy that can prove to be deadly (moreso in a non-literal sense), if we do not find release.

My brothers and sisters, I love and care about you, please find release. Find what it is that frees you.

For those of you who just skipped through my whole rant, pull a Happy Gilmore and find your "Happy Place".

I love you all,

Steve

2006-10-02T14:10:00.000-07:00

2006-09-29T12:54:00.000-07:00

2006-09-25T09:47:00.000-07:00

have you ever had a great moment in life, now a memory, that is crushingly sad?

Global Warming is a problem...

2006-09-21T09:50:00.000-07:00

if you don’t think it’s a problem, just look at the news

hmm

2006-09-20T20:02:00.000-07:00

I have been wondering a lot lately about life and how we associate things. And I believe I have to come to either one of two possible conclusions:

Either popular culture is vastly separating itself from actual life and trying to shape actual life to fit pop culture…

OR…

I have myself disassociated myself from pop culture into my own offshoot of thinking.

Looking at countless poorly made horror movies with predictable plots, remakes regurgitated from the seventies and the eighties, and movies where they discuss important issues like cheerleading or beating someone's butt; I tend to wonder. Does everything have to be grandiose and inane for people to actually think a movie is good? Where are things that people can actually relate to? Is escapism that tempting? ; That we do should nothing except this idea, instead of the actual life of?

Music made to glorify lifestyles that the fans of which could never truly associate to has no real point in life only to perpetuate a cycle where people being influenced by this music creates thinking that success is living a life of excess without any regard for the world around them? Things are sub-cultured so much that rock music isn't even a category anymore, and the classics like jazz and blues are ridiculed by anything that doesn't fit modern categorization.

Since when is having the right cup of coffee, with the brand name digital music player and the aesthetic of being a younger-looking-than-you-are-but-dressing-retro lifestyle have to do with anything of substance unless properly endorsed?

-Maybe that's it: pop culture in general has nothing to do with real life unless a celebrity endorses it.

The reason why I worry about this is that; more and more often, pop culture is becoming the singular influence that is affecting people.

Our ideas of Love and Humanism are shut out unless someone makes a movie about it starring a hot guy with a geeky attitude.

You would think, that with the events of the past 6 years, that we might have some kind of clarity from this, but the rift between those seeking escape from a world so horrifying around them and those who try to fight the good fight of actually seizing on issues to make a difference in this world divides us more and more.

In one example, take how people "love" each other. The idea of love (more recently) is more closely associated with signs of physical affection. Physical affection is a great thing, but not the only factor involved. Physicality, although closely linked to our emotional being, is something that can cause great detriment to others who have a different idea of love (substance and deeper connection) than ones who have this mentality of a physical nature.

You know how "people in love do some crazy things?" Well, what about "people do crazy things that they think are love?"

I could be speaking more from the gut than on rationale here, I could be totally wrong or even speaking a half truth.

Maybe I am just becoming an old grumpy person who thinks that things aren't the diatribe of "the way things were". I hope that's not the case. Your thoughts?

Unwed Sailor-Shadows

2006-09-19T07:30:00.000-07:00

Get this video and more at MySpace.com

2006-09-13T20:55:00.000-07:00

is happyness in memories or content being?

I have alot of memories that make me happy, and then I have times where I content, but I don't necessarily think that means I am happy.

I've been hanging out with people from time to time, that are just happy in their lives and don't expand. Are they content, or just truly happy? In either case I am glad for them, and maybe that's it, maybe they are the same.

I can think of maybe two instances in my whole life where I was completely happy and fully aware of it at the time, which is a rare feet. These are times when I was not merely rested or content, I was truly and fully happy.

One time was on a nice sunday at the ocean, and is probably one of my most cherished days. It's like a secret scene of my life that no one else gets, but I was there and I know how great it was.

I wonder this and think about how sometimes people cater what they like to what other people like. I find this kind of odd. Can we truly be happy doing this?

I honestly believe that commonality can be obtained by more than just doing the same things. People, us at our core, can have commonality beyond our own.

Was all we were taught merely something for us to unlearn.

I think about this as happyness runs through my mind in memories, and wonder if what people percieve to be happyness in me is merely a contentment for the place I am in now.

2006-09-10T22:22:00.000-07:00

I remember the day very clearly...

I had slept in and skipped my class, npr was blaring on my alarm before I had shut it off.
My brother is coming home today I thought. All of us in the same house again.

I had turned on the TV and looked at what I had thought to be the middle east, but strangely it looked like new york...

I took a shower and then my dad had called me...

"You're brother is not at the airport, they closed the whole thing off, something happened"
-"what?"
"find mom"
-"what's going on?"
"a plane attacked new york, and another one hit the pentagon"
-"WHAT?"
"I'll be home soon"

It was New York I had seen...
calls upon calls were made checking up on my family on the east coast...
"We were under attack, this is it" , I had thought to myself, but the main thought remained to be wondering where my brother was at, he is supposed to fly home today.

"Oh my God, is he alive?", I had no clue and this scared the hell out of me.

Like you, I watched people plunge to their deaths, and my own compassion for them was overshadowed by not knowing where my brother was.

I get a call and he is in Houston, his plane landed in houston of all places, 14 hours away.
My friend Ryland got in the car and was on his way to come pick him up.

Like many, fear was running through our household...

we are under attack, and we didn't know how many we had lost...

"what about my family?"

I remember finally seeing my brother at 2 a.m. the next day after driving all day from houston and I was brought with a bittersweet relief.

I was scared and wanted answers, but we now entered into a different world.

I remember driving the next night, and jennifer knapp's song "faithful to me" was on the stereo, and the part of the song where she said:
all the pennies I've wasted in my wishing well, I have thrown like stones to the sea...

-that finally broke me, and I had to pull over. I couldn't take it anymore. thousands died, for what? I just sat there in my car, totally broken down and crying for all of those people.

It's still a soft spot with me because the scars are still there, to know that such a horrible thing had happened. I know that horrible things happen in the world quite often, but when it hits closer, it's more personal because it tugs on closer relation to you, and till this day, I am horrified by the events that had taken place.

Our world had changed in a very drastic way.

I wonder if our country will ever know peace again, and if so, at what cost?

2006-09-10T21:26:00.000-07:00

Pearl Jam playing Phil Ochs

2006-09-08T15:30:00.000-07:00

cb4 clip Wacky D's in da house!!!!

2006-09-07T21:10:00.000-07:00

Sleepless in Seattle Recut/ Redux

being sick is horrible, but this is greatness.

2006-09-04T18:22:00.000-07:00

Jonzun Crew - Pack Jam (1983)

more please

2006-09-04T18:21:00.000-07:00

The Jonzun Crew Tommy Boy Records

yes

what I did today

2006-09-04T16:00:00.000-07:00

Get this video and more at yup

you're being glib

2006-09-01T11:48:00.000-07:00

oh my this is horrible.

2006-08-29T12:44:00.000-07:00

So my GrandMother had passed away over the weekend. I remember sitting there with my Mom, who took this way better than me (possibly because she was in shock), and just sitting there trying to be there for her. And with this calm fragility she was telling me about how the last time she saw my GrandMother she was telling her how she probably wouldn't see her again, and I just lost it. Anything I was trying to hold in before that was completely gone.

My Mother in no way had an easy life, and to see this woman that I know has overcome illness, loss, and assault in her past come to just sit in front of me after hearing her own Mother had passed away and be calm about it and tell me what she told me just shattered me.

In more recent years, she has become more fragile in my eyes, and the woman who raised me is not the pillar of strength that I grew up knowing, but a person who has been affected by all that has happened in her life, she moves on and keeps going and in this humble strength, I was completed broken.

I have been fighting myself alot lately to still be compassionate and not become this vacant person. Something that has pissed me off alot is that I am too much of a listener, and people expect that of me.

Trust me, if I ask- I truly want to know. But in some cases, I let people know that I am going through something (if they ask), and they continue on about other things. Not that I am trying to bring anyone down or anything, but if you are one of these people that do this, please know that you belittle what someone else is going through. You care, but you put your own needs over a true compassion. I am not saying this only to you, but also to myself, because as a person who listens too much for people I am really fighting to not become someone who wants to belittle someone else's own needs.

It's like, all my emotions are trying to just shut off sometimes and I am fighting really hard to not let that happen. If you think I am talking about you, talk to me and find out, if not, then I am probably not talking about you. And also, thank you to all who have been really supportive to me over the past few days, it really means a great deal to me.

2006-08-26T23:39:00.000-07:00

i have no more living grandmothers...

2006-08-25T06:16:00.000-07:00

So, we hadn't even been together a while, and they we were-getting married.
All my friends were there to cheer me on, and it was at the perfect time of day out, the sun slowly starting to go down. The Church was huge and beautiful, filled with those that I Love, in a nice warm city. And that's how it started...

About after two days of bliss, I discovered the horrible truth, the one I thought to be the love of my life had only married me for the title and status of who I am and wanted to be associated to that, I was also sure that she was seeing someone else on the side.

She was beautiful, I was heartbroken. The one thing I had waited so long for was taken from me and based on a lie. A shattered, broken shell of what could have been the great beginning to the rest of my life. I have to keep my guard up, I have to stay away from people. I need to wake up.

When I woke up I thought about how bad I was hurt, and betrayed, and crushed, and I wanted to punch this dream woman in the ovaries.

On the plus side, I had a completely restful night of sleep, but if I ever see a girl who resembles the one in my dream, I am pretty sure I might punch her in the face.

2006-08-16T22:23:00.000-07:00

it's almost midnight, closing up an interesting tuesday...

at work I got positive affirmations and got to talk with some people and just get to be goofy and silly even though I was working...

I got to go to lunch and just be me with a friend, by the way, pile ups are a great meal!

Today I was thinking about the song "Always Love" by Nada Surf, my current musical obession, and I remember driving down the I-5 talking with Grace about how implicently simple they can be lyrically at times and I put this song aside sometimes because of it, but the lyrics are actually really cool,corny, but cool-just love because pain will always have it's way if you don't.

I got to make some music after work and this is where it gets a little geeky so if you don't wanna hear, skip to the next paragraph: I ordered a new M-Audio interface today and got a new condeser mic so I can record more of what I want to do musically. I write songs everyday, and I need to start capturing them more. My friends ask me all the time to let them hear some of the music I have been making, and I think it's a good idea to do it moreso for me and me only.

So after the geekness, I am looking forward to see Damien Jurado on his fall tour, I know a little more but I can't say now, but will say more once it is right.

I got to see some friends tonight that I normally don't see, and as a result I probably looked like an a-hole to those I didn't pay enough attention to. It always happens like this, I try to be there for too many people and am inadvertenley a jerk to someone. It's not intended, I promise.

Tonight, I also got a call from a good friend tonight that worked out to be a great but short conversation. I will start off by saying that I am Christian, and because I speak up from time to time or I am nice to you does not mean I have some answer you are looking for, I have a love in my heart that I would love for everyone to know, but that is nothing I have ever wanted to push or sell to anyone, and just because I believe, doesn't mean I know it all on a subject. For a fews years, me and this friend were looked up to way too much and were put in really uncomfortable positions because we just wanted to help. Faith is a personal thing, and if people ask me, I will share, but that by no means makes me someone to look up to. We both talked about our experiences with this, and I let him know that is part of the reason I stopped talking to almost all of my friends for almost a whole year one time. Imagine everyone thinking they know you and they have no clue who you are outside of a certain setting...

We are who we are, and faith is something that is with us regardless for those who believe, not people's perceptions or expectations of you. People may look up to us for answers, but sometimes people just have unrealistic expectations of what someone should be. People are never the answer, that I do know...

so I am sitting here missing alot of people in my life who actually get me beyond what is percieved of me. if you think I am leaving you out of the loop, in most cases that is not intentional, just how it is right now.

Bands/Artists I am Mad at you for not checking out:

Eli Moore
Johanna Kunin
Casey Dienel
Spookey Ruben
The Blow
Arms
Chad VanGaalen
Jonah Mantraga
Thomas Denver Jonsson

Go over to the hype machine or find them on myspace and start making mixes!

I can promise nothing,
Steve

2006-08-12T03:13:00.000-07:00

Dr. Katz and Dave Chappelle - Aquaman

2006-08-10T09:49:00.000-07:00

Carbon dioxide and other gases warm the surface of the planet naturally by trapping solar heat in the atmosphere. This is a good thing because it keeps our planet habitable. However, by burning fossil fuels such as coal, gas and oil and clearing forests we have dramatically increased the amount of carbon dioxide in the Earths atmosphere and temperatures are rising.

The vast majority of scientists agree that global warming is real, its already happening and that it is the result of our activities and not a natural occurrence. The evidence is overwhelming and undeniable.

Were already seeing changes. Glaciers are melting, plants and animals are being forced from their habitat, and the number of severe storms and droughts is increasing.

The number of Category 4 and 5 hurricanes has almost doubled in the last 30 years.

Malaria has spread to higher altitudes in places like the Colombian Andes, 7,000 feet above sea level.

The flow of ice from glaciers in Greenland has more than doubled over the past decade.

At least 279 species of plants and animals are already responding to global warming, moving closer to the poles.

If the warming continues, we can expect catastrophic consequences.

Deaths from global warming will double in just 25 years -- to 300,000 people a year.

Global sea levels could rise by more than 20 feet with the loss of shelf ice in Greenland and
Antarctica, devastating coastal areas worldwide.

Heat waves will be more frequent and more intense.

Droughts and wildfires will occur more often.

The Arctic Ocean could be ice free in summer by 2050.

More than a million species worldwide could be driven to extinction by 2050.

There is no doubt we can solve this problem. In fact, we have a moral obligation to do so. Small changes to your daily routine can add up to big differences in helping to stop global warming. The time to come together to solve this problem is now Take Action!

The average American generates about 15,000 pounds of carbon dioxide every year from personal transportation, home energy use and from the energy used to produce all of the products and services we consume.

You have the power to make a difference. Small changes to your daily routine can add up to big changes in helping to stop global warming.

Reduce your impact at home.

Reduce your impact while on the move.

Help bring about change locally, nationally, and internationally.

After reducing your emissions you can do even more by going "carbon neutral." By supporting clean renewable energy, you can effectively neutralize your personal CO2 emissions. Your small investment will ensure that for every ton of carbon dioxide you are emitting, a ton of carbon dioxide will not be released into the atmosphere. Go NEUTRAL!

very important

2006-08-09T09:41:00.000-07:00

With all the summer movies coming out, it's hard to pick the "best" ones.
Although some of you want to see movies like X-Men 3 or Superman Returns, or even Pirates two, it should be more important to note some of the deeper, more vital movies that have come out this summer as well. No, not "An Inconvenient Truth" (even though it was a movie everyone should see). I am speaking more so of the truly lifesearching, more meaningful movies, so here is my recommendations of what you should watch this summer:

"Step Up", not only does this movie claim to be the Hottest Movie of The Summer, it rips off the thought provoking classic "Save the Last Dance". I mean, formal dancing with hip hop dancing? How could you go wrong?

"Bring It On: All or Nothing", now this movie here really tackles the important issues in life. The other two movies, which you can usually see on the USA Network on Saturday afternoons (the USA "quality" time), are also movies that delve into the important issues such as high school social orders, the need to be shallow, and also some cheerleading, and we all know how important those are to us.

So when thinking about summer movies I suggest these two totally heartless and vacant movies.

2006-08-07T20:28:00.000-07:00

you ever heard someone say "when the world was small", like the world just blew up and got too big for them as if their eyes were opened? What do you do when you feel the world is getting smaller? It's like that movie vanilla sky, you have this skewed little world that caters to you and your surroundings become like those video games where you start walking and they have all these cool backgrounds and then you try to walk to those cool parts and you just stop moving, not because you want to stop, but because you run out of world. this probably makes no sense to any of you, but it's how I feel. like I am in a dream and I am ready to wake up.

2006-08-05T19:03:00.000-07:00

Zao @ The Chapel - 1998 - Part three (A Fall Farewell)

Kevin Will Enjoy This.

2006-08-05T18:04:00.000-07:00

White Daisy Passing

oh wow, so much to say...

2006-08-05T11:03:00.000-07:00

Get this video and more at MySpace.com

what the crap!?

2006-08-02T06:57:00.000-07:00

NEW DELHI (Reuters) - Three Indian doctors caught on camera apparently agreeing to amputate the healthy limbs of beggars are to be questioned by the Indian Medical Council, an official said Tuesday.

Secretly filmed footage taken by the CNN-IBN news channel and broadcast Saturday showed one of the doctors asking for 10,000 rupees (about $215) to amputate a lower leg, leaving a stump that may draw sympathy -- and a few rupees -- from passersby.

He then suggests chopping off three fingers from the man's left hand.

Police said one of the three doctors had been questioned and denied the allegations, but that no arrests had been made.

The doctor, from Ghaziabad in the north Indian state of Uttar Pradesh and a satellite town of the capital, New Delhi, explains how he can stitch up blood vessels in a healthy limb, causing it to blacken with gangrene over a few days.

A prospective beggar can be booked into the doctor's claiming to have had an accident, and then have the amputation carried out without raising eyebrows, he explains.

"Believe me if there are two beggars in front of you and one of them is lame, you will give the money to the lame beggar," the station recorded him as saying in Hindi.

Dr Indrajit Ray, who chairs the Medical Council of India's ethics committee, said the three doctors would be summoned to appear before the committee later this month but was unable to say whether they were registered with the council.

If found guilty, they would almost certainly be permanently banned from practicing in India, he said.

"This is a very painful situation for me as a member of the medical profession," he said. "This is most uncivilized and butcher-like activity. It cannot be supported under any circumstances."

The TV station sent a "fake beggar" along to see the doctor at his Ghaziabad clinic after hearing he offered the amputations. Their meeting was secretly filmed.

CNN-IBN said it was trying to expose the activities of a country-wide network of "beggar mafia dons" who exploit the destitute, forcing beggars working in their patch to hand over their alms, and maiming them to maximize revenue.

A beggar in New Delhi told the channel he had been tricked into going for a medical check-up on the promise of a job. He came round after an injection to find one of his legs missing.

________

OK, Now look at this guy! No offense to him, but the doctors must be idiots to want to steal his limbs. He is healthy by no means, and they want his arms and legs?

Didn't they know that leprosy still ravages this country and that the poor and destitute are in many cases gravely ill?

What the crap!?

...

2006-07-31T12:58:00.000-07:00

I was in New York City, brand new apartment with a great view, big windows that strected across the entire city, I could see everything and it was beautiful. To celebrate the move, we were having a house warming party. Various people that I didn't know happened to be there. And I went back into the living room and I saw my cat Midnight looking at me. And that is when I realized that Midnight had passed away in 2005, and I had petted him and then noticed that he was missing some fur and I was quickly shocked to have it actually sink in that my deceased cat was here in front in and it ran off into my room. Clearly in unrest, my fellow guests went with me carefully towards the room, I stayed back while some woman whom I do not know went into my room, and "Midnight" was running out of my room towards me in a state that struck fear into me. "What sick trick is this?"- I thought to myself as it was running at me and the fear intensified and someone opened my front door and pushed "Midnight" out of my apartment. At this moment, I woke up shocked and in fear. It took me quite some time to get back to sleep. When I was leaving the house this morning for work, I looked at my cat sox, and quickly exited.

hmmh

2006-07-27T13:56:00.000-07:00

Now, I am not a financial expert by any means. But when you stop to think that the operating budget of a small country is roughly one billion dollars and then you see current figures from companies, you start to ask questions.

If a drug company can make 30 billion + a year, and oil companies bring in somewhere around the range of 300 billion + a year, would they not take the means of that of a small country to defend their propriety?

The idea of this possibility really troubles me.

For one, a country can influence another country and gain allies just as such.

Two, some countries are unethical in practice and standards.

Three, if a small country with 1 billion dollars can be cruel, what is that to say of those who make 300x that of the small country, and by what means are they going to protect their practices?

Four is that a country is somewhat publically and morally obligated to help the less fortunate, where as a company or coporation is not.

Another thing that comes into mind is how such possible influence can affect us on a global or local level.

Natural Gas, although a potent source of energy, will run out. It is just a matter of time. Solar Power is a proven inexhaustable source of storing CLEAN energy and two giant solar panels the arizona sun could power all of north america in a surplus. A project that would cost roughly two billion dollars. Now, why has no initiative been taken? Has monetary influence played it's part?

Are there forces beyond that of those who want to make a difference such as coporations trying to protect their source of income? How can we make a difference?

2006-07-24T16:32:00.000-07:00

What these ads really say...

2006-07-21T06:12:00.000-07:00

2006-07-18T14:12:00.000-07:00

it's 109* outside and the heat index says 120*, this story and more on today's episode of "effed up!"